Chipping for Par...A Novice Golfer Starts From Scratch

I've taken up golf since I moved out here, and I'm becoming a bit of junky. I always knew the disease would grip me at some point, but I thought it would happen some time much later in my life, like when my age had a 4 or a 5 in front of it. Not so. Fate conspired to push me into Duffer-Hood much sooner than that.

The learning curve has been steep. Very steep. But I'm progressing faster than I thought. I went from hopelessly carving divots in an otherwise beautiful course and knocking almost ten balls per round into the woods, to the point where I'm bogeying*, or double-bogeying most holes, and playing a round with a single ball. This has all happened in less than a month, and probably a total of 90 to 100 holes of golf.

Several things conspired in my favor to push me into this fun and frustrating pastime. First, I happen to live on two golf courses, which charge only $12 to walk nine. Second, my cousin Seth donated me his old set of golf clubs this summer. Third, I work from home, so my commute is non-existent. Thus, when I finish work, I can be on the first tee in under five minutes. Try that in New York City!

So, to the envy of many of my friends who've played this game for years, I'm able to get out two to three times a week. At that rate, it's easy to work on specific aspects of the game and to measure my progress. I'm still inconsistent. I shoot a par one hole, and then completely unravel on the next. Sometimes it varies from shot to shot. I'll be in front of the green, chipping for birdie...only to send the ball over the green, into a trap, and spend the next five strokes getting it in the hole. Or, I'll totally duff my drive and my approach, and be in tears by the time I get on the green...and then miraculously sink a 30 foot putt (which, admittedly, is rare).

And that's the thing, I guess. At my level of play, the inconsistency is the most frustrating part of the game. If I were just ambiently bad, ALL the time, I'd be fine with that. But the way this game messes with you is by dangling that little, enticing carrot of "success" in front of your nose, only to whisk it away as soon as you grab for it. One step forward is followed by three steps back, always. As soon as you start thinking, "Okay. You can birdie this. Don't f*ck it up..." is the moment you are bound---by some evil compact with the Ever-Spiteful Gods of Golf---to blow the shot. The moment you start thinking too much---about your swing, about your score, about that cold draft beer at the 19th hole---is when you will surely unravel. But...should you think to little...you've created a sure recipe for disaster, and you will probably send your divot further than your ball.

That's why I try to keep a "mantra" in my head when I approach the ball. It is not easy. It requires a Zen-like simultaneous emptying and filling of the mind. Like staying atop a razor's edge, or trying to stare into space; the moment you actually realize you're doing it, you've lost it. A mantra kind of helps tune my mind, helps get me in the right frequency. No, I will not divulge mine, lest it lose its mystical powers.** Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But when it does, and I connect and send the ball exactly where I want it, I assure you in that moment there is no more satisfied a person on earth.

Ah, yes, this game is an enigma. Men and women better than I have found themselves mired in the sometimes hopeless, but always elusive and alluring pursuit that is golf. A wise man once said, "There is nothing new under the sun." And certainly, there is nothing new on the golf course. Think you're the first person in history to angrily hurl his golf club into the woods? Pah! Think no one else has ever knocked four consecutive drives into the tall trees? You're wrong. And you also won't be the first person to get delusions of granduer after one, beautiful shot...even if those delusions last only until you make the next, horrible one.

I don't know how long I'll be able to keep up this enviable pace. First of all, the weather is getting colder, and the Gold Course is closing in a week, leaving only the Silver. Second, there's the issue of darkness; after daylight savings time ends it'll be hard to squeeze in nine any time after 5:00pm. Third, and most unpredictably, I won't be living here forever. My wandering days are far from over, and though golf exists throughout the world, a golf bag makes a pretty cumbersome suitcase...

But for now, I'm enjoying myself. I just ordered a new (new to me, but used) set of Yonex V-Mass 350 irons, and today bought a new driver. I have yet to fully adapt to either the irons or the driver, but so far I like them. The irons have a flexible graphite shaft, with a titanium insert on the club face, but they are at different lengths than my old set, and I've only used them for nine somewhat frustrating holes. They swing well, I'm just not used to them. As for the driver, I haven't played with it yet, just practiced. Until now, I've been using irons off the tee. Somebody advised me it's better to do that when you're a total novice than to start out immediately blasting off the tee with a driver. Now, however, I'll be able to hit a genuine tee shot...as long as I don't send it into the woods, which I'm sure is going to be a problem.

But that's just technical talk. In golf, as in life, I'm taking it one day at a time, and finding some interesting parallels between the two. They are both fraught with challenge and difficulty; nothing comes easy. They both can sometimes seem like long periods of drudgery, punctuated by short moments of intense joy. Also, and perhaps most fundamentally, you never know how long either will last. You just keep walking up to the ball and hitting it away from you, just like you keep waking up every day and doing what you have to do; you know it'll end at some point, but meanwhile you have to take it one day, or one hole at a time. And whether you're up or you're down, you've got to just enjoy the walk...

*For the initiated, a bogey is a score of one stroke above par. A double-bogey is two strokes above par. Apparently, there is no such thing as a triple-bogey. Beyond three over par, you might as well forget about it.

**Obviously its "mystical powers" still aren't working too well. But I have faith in it. These things take time.